What If You Can't Speak English

>>There was a Chinese lady married to an English gentleman and they
>>lived in
>>London. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but
>>managed
>>somehow to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose
>>whenever she
>>had to shop for groceries.
>>
>>One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She
>>didn't
>>know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up
>>her skirt
>>to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went
>>home with
>>pork legs.
>>
>>The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't
>>know how
>>to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her
>>breast. The
>>lady got what she wanted.
>>
>>The third day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. She brought
>>her husband
>>to the store..... so what did?
>>??
>>??
>>??
>>??
>>??
>>??
>>??
>>??
>>??
>>??
>>??
>>??
>>??
>>What are you thinking?
>>??
>>??
>>??
>>??
>>??
>>??
>>??
>>HellOOOooooooOOOooo, her husband speaks English!!

The Don

The Don

> > An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his
> > grandson
> > to his bed.
> >
> >
> >
> > "Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome
> > plated
> > 38 revolver so you will always remember me."
> >
> >
> >
> > "But grandpa, I really don't lika guns.
> >
> >
> > Howzabout you leava me your Rolex watch instead?"
> >
> >
> >
> > "Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da
> > business.....you gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money,
> > a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos."
> >
> > "Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe find you
> > wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do
> > then....... pointa to you watch and say "Times
> > up"?"

HAHAHA

A few years ago, Prime Minister Ahmad was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets President Bush.

The instructor told Ahmad; when you shake hand with President Bush, please say ‘how are you’. Then Mr. Bush should say, ‘I am fine, and you?’ Now, you should say ‘me too’. Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you.’

It looks quite simple, but the truth is…

When Ahmad met Bush, he mistakenly said
‘Who are you ?’

Mr. Bush was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor.
‘Well, I’m Hillary’s husband, ha-ha…’

Then Ahmad replied
‘me too, ha-ha…’.

Then there was a long silence in the meeting room... =)

Hmmmmm......

MATHS genius turned hooker Sufiah Yusof reveals how she drives men wild... by reciting EQUATIONS to her clients as they have sex.

And the Asian beauty defiantly claims that selling her body for up to £1,000 a time provides her with a far more glamorous life than she ever dreamt of when she went to Oxford University aged just 13.

"My clients love the fact that I can stimulate their minds AND their bodies," she boasts in a shockingly frank interview with the News of the World.



"And I don't believe my education has been wasted—in fact I usually take problem sheets with me to solve before appointments."

Sufiah decided to CONFESS ALL after we revealed how the former child prodigy was working as a £130-an-hour prostitute while studying for a masters in economics.

It is the latest heartbreaking twist to a life that seemed so full of promise—but went tragically wrong when she cracked under the pressure of her bullying father's cruel academic regime and fled university at 15.
<

Eight years on, he is now in jail for sexually assaulting two girl pupils and Sufiah has somehow convinced herself that her seedy new career is the answer to all her problems.

"People think escorting is sleazy and terrible but I don't see it like that," she says. "I've always had a high sex drive—and now I'm getting all the sex I want—and guys are much better in bed with an escort than a girlfriend.

"I have men who are thrilled about my passion for mathematics. In fact one made me recite equations while he pleasured me, then I gave him oral sex while he chatted about algebra. It drove him wild."

And brainbox Sufiah has worked out that subtracting your respectability to become a prostitute can equal big money.
Peeling

"I have a nice life and I am in control," she says. "I hate this stereotype society has of escorts being exploited. It is so far from the truth.

"My clients treat me like a princess. One guy I see in London took me shopping on Bond Street. He bought me a beautiful black Gucci dress for £700 and then took me to Selfridges and told me to pick any handbag I liked."

She chose a £600 Gucci clutch. "I'm a Primark and Topshop girl normally! I felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.

"Later that night we went for dinner. I wore my Gucci dress and sexy lingerie and took great pleasure in peeling it off for him later on back at his hotel."

Sufiah was working as an administrative assistant earning £ 16,000 a year in Manchester when an escort agency boss approached her in a bar four months ago. She'd run up debts of £3,500 in rent arrears and credit cards.

And she was still haunted by her hellish childhood—subjected to her father Farooq's Accelerated Learning Technique where she studied maths day in day out in rooms kept freezing cold to improve her concentration.

So the big rewards the agency boss promised seemed more than tempting. "I have studied so intensely for so many years I wanted to have fun," she says.

She can't see the sordid side of prostitution—and instead likens herself to Belle De Jour—the saucy hooker played by Billie Piper in the TV drama.

"I'd read Belle De Jour's Diary of a London Call Girl and was fascinated," she said. "When this immaculate lady in a designer suit asked if I had ever considered escorting, I found it appealing.

"I went home, researched agencies on the internet and found one I thought looked professional. I sent them photographs and they put me on their site." A couple of days later Sufiah was offered her first client. She recalls: "I felt quite nervous but excited too. I slipped on some black lace underwear and stockings and suspenders and a dress, and just though, ‘Wow, this is thrilling.'

"He was waiting for me at the bar of the Hilton. I expected him to be older but when I saw him he was lovely.

"He was only in his late 20s, tall and handsome. I thought, ‘I can't believe I'm getting paid to have sex with this man.'

"I'd have been thrilled if he chatted me up in a bar. We had a drink then went upstairs to his room and had fantastic sex. I left that night feeling totally elated having had an amazing time with £250 in my purse." Since then, she has built up a base of regular rich clients and sees between five and ten men each week. Her sugar daddies have treated her to fabulous clothes, designer bags, trips on yachts and even helicopter rides.

Sufiah, whose interview can be seen on video at notw.co.uk, brags that she can earn more than £1,000 in a night by having diner with a client and staying over. "It's like they want to rescue me. One man asked me how much I earned a year. I said £60,000. He told me, ‘I'll pay that amount straight into your bank and buy you a flat and you can be my mistress.'

"But I don't want that because I'm happy doing what I do. Now I wonder if I could go back to a normal relationship, where you watch EastEnders and have boring sex. I've got used to being treated like a princess."

It is as if she has run away from reality—just as she ran away from university and her father's dominance at 15.

Sufiah becomes solemn and subdued when she talks of her upbringing. "As I grew older I began to clash with my father," she says. "He was violent on occasions. Because he pushed me so far academically, I became more confident for a girl of my age. I grew up too quickly.

"From 11, I was studying maths all the time. I didn't have any friends. I wasn't in the Brownies. My father said they didn't teach Muslim values. I hardly ever played with other children."

She passed her maths A level aged 12 and started at St Hilda's College, Oxford. "It was an amazing place but I was too young. By the time I was 15 I wanted to be in control of my life. I fought back."

Sufiah sparked a two week nationwide police hunt when she ran away instead of going home at the end of term, saying she'd "had enough of 15 years of physical and emotional abuse". Her father claimed she had been kidnapped and brainwashed by members of a socialist organisation.

But now, speaking about it for the first time, Sufiah says: "I couldn't bear the thought of going home so I ran away. I'd saved up £200 and found a hostel in London for £14 per night. After a week I moved to a hostel in Bournemouth. I knew I could survive on my own."

When she was found in an internet cafe, Sufiah refused to go home and was placed in foster care by Bournemouth social services. She says: "I stayed with two families who were very good to me. My mum and dad would call me and ask me to go home—but I didn't want to."
Rich

Her 50-year-old father is now in jail for 18 months after being convicted of sexually assaulting two 15-year-old girls he taught at his home in Coventry.

When Sufiah reached 18 she returned to Oxford to continue her studies—and fell in love with fellow student Jonathan Marshall. They married a year later but it barely lasted a year.

"At the time I thought we would be together forever, but we married too young and grew apart," she says.

After the split she moved back to London where she taught maths in the evenings to make ends meet. Then six months ago she moved to Manchester—and stumbled across her new career. "I'm still only young and I can't decide what I want to do," she says. "My escort work provides me with a fabulous life.

"I still enjoy learning and I find it puts me in the right frame of mind for an intelligent conversation with my clients." But she admits not all her sexual encounters work out. "At the end of the day you don't have to sleep with a client if you don't want to. I've done that twice now. Both men were young and very nervous. I just left.

"The dullest client I've ever had was a rich man who talked about cars all night. It was really, really boring."

Sufiah is well aware she could easily find a job in the City where she could match her £60,000 a year sex earnings.

But she said: "I don't want to take anything away from people who do jobs like that but it's not for me. I have a nice life. I don't want for anything."

Her mother Halimahton is now divorcing jailed Farooq and is desperate for her daughter to get in touch with her. "I was shaking when I found out what had become of her," she says.

But talking about her bitter split with her parents, Sufiah says: "I would describe our relationship as estranged.

"I have contact with them occasionally but I couldn't speculate on what they will make of my new life.

"I don't have any regrets. I've never felt more confident about my body and I've had some of the best sex of my life."

5 donts when you're Sleeping

5 donts when you're Sleeping

1 DON'T SLEEP WITH WATCH
Watches can emit a certain level of radioactivity.
Though small, but if you wear your watch to bed
for a long time, it might have adverse effects on your health.

2 DON'T SLEEP WITH BRA
Scientists in America have discovered those that
wear bras for more than 12 hours have
a higher risk of getting breast cancer.
So go to bed without it.

3 DON'T SLEEP WITH PHONE
Putting the phone beside your bed or anywhere
near you is not encouraged.
Though some of us will use phones as alarm clocks,
but please put the phone as far as possible.
Scientists have proved that electrical items including
mobile phone and television sets emit magnetic waves when used.
These waves can cause disruptions to our nervous system.
Therefore if you need to put your mobile phone near you,
switch it off first.

4 DON'T SLEEP WITH MAKE UP
People who sleep with make up might have
skin problems in the long run.
Sleeping with make up will cause the skin to have
difficulty in breathing and problem in perspiring.
You will also need a much longer time to go into deep sleep.

Lastly.....

5 DON'T SLEEP WITH OTHERS' WIFE / HUSBAND
You may never wake up again.

?????!!!!!

In the following pictures, you can see some people having a very strong EXPRESSION.

They seem to be in a very private, personal moment!!!

Can you identify the expression "what it’s all about'?


If you are unable to id this expression, the answer is below.










They are ready to sneeze!!!!!!
But To tell you the truth, I like the way you are thinking........=)

ABG DA POTONG????

bang dah potong? Semua orang dah potong. ..beginilah iklan ISP P1 Wimax. Kelakar juga tagline iklan ni sekali pandang orang ingat potong tu macam berkhatan. haha

Memang jelas P1 cuba "menganjing" pesaing utamanya dalam internet jalur lebar iaitu Streamyx produk dari TM kerana gambarnya yang memotong kabel RJ11 iaitu wayar telefon tetap.



Baguslah kerana dengan ada saingan ISP-ISP tempatan dapat menurunkan caj perkhidmatan mereka. Pada ak apa yang penting ialah kualiti perkhidmatan dan kebolehan melayari internet dengan laju tanpa putus-putus.

Antara komen pngguna 3G broadband Celcom dan streamyx. Broadband Celcom memang tak berapa puas hati servisnya manakala streamyx pula intimitent. Kadang-kadang laju kadang-kadang slow.

Ini adalah satu cabaran bagi TM kerana dalam Bajet 2010 pun PM sudah mengumumkan TM akan memulakan projek jalur lebar berkelajuan tinggi (HSBB) yang bernilai RM11 billion . Kerajaan akan melabur RM2.4 bilion dan TM membiayai bakinya RM8.91 bilion.

HSBB akan memberi speed sehingga 10Mbps kepada pelanggan kediaman dan sehingga 100Mbps kepada pelanggan perniagaan dengan teknologi fiber dan teknologi IP sepenuhnya. Ini adalah tempatnya kerana isu hangat pelabur dari Australia risau dengan keadaan sambungan internet di Malaysia.

Secara overallnya walau pun banyak komplen boleh dikatakan streamyx adalah best of the worst broadband di Malaysia. Lihat tip di isuhangat dulu 'melayari streamyx dengan bijak'

Ok berbalik kepada kempen potong P1 Wimax tadi. Ramai juga yang sudah komplen perkhidmatan P1 ni. Seperti Broadband Celcom, ramai yang mengatakan laju pada mulanya tetapi apabila pertambahan pelanggan mulalah menjadi selowww gila. Sehingga istilah berukband, snailmyx, p1 Why Mek, Max Cis dicipta oleh pelangganyang tidak berpuas hati.

Ni pula iklan TM yang melawan balik iklan kempen potong P1 Wimax:





Kalau dipandang betul-betul, muka mamat ni iras-iras wajah CEO P1 Wimax, Michael Lai



Apa yang diharap ialah jangan berlawan iklan jer . Lawan dengan servis!

Ak pling mnyampah svice yg ad hidden charge ni!!!!!
moral dsini, streamyx mmg SAMPAH!!!!!!!!